(continued)
November
3) Mood up – the Himalayas again! [deleted words]
8) Have been in Hades. A valley such as never was.
9) Better already. [hairpin crescendo] Business H:fors.
15) Mood has been good. Not much appetite for work. Hard to learn to work without a stimulus. A must!
21) Have worked well – freudvoll, leidvoll – for a few days. Business tomorrow.
30) Axel Carpelan was here. I admire this fine talent. His powers of discernment are outstanding even though he is physically worn out. Appetite for work has been very poor. Yet this evening it is good!
December
14) In Memoriam, the funeral march, finished. 3 [green box] Op 59
15) Melartin, that neuter, has been with me. A refined nature.
17) A deep valley again! Horribly dark and empty, and concentrated feed! Will the sun never shine again? My life is ebbing away before I have been able to carry out what I had sight of. My business affairs are dragging me down. My destiny! Is this to be the end of my composing = life?
21) Melartin! I admire his method of working. How to achieve this "nulla dies sine linea." And the technique! Starting on the ballet in earnest. [deleted words] And my business affairs! A miracle that I produce anything at all. Not out of the valley yet.
26) Abandoning the ballet because of too little reward for too much time. "Up and at ‘em” again! Damn it, do I sound like that?
27) Himalayas again. Everything bright and strong. Worked like a giant.
28) My throat! Good God! Worked a bit
29) Have even given up the Lottery Music. I am burning my boats deliberately. Holding high the banner of true art. Don’t let go of pathos in life. And one’s "grip".
30) Worked, though ill.
31) Another year. Everything still "pending".
translated from Finland-Swedish by David McDuff
Voces intimae - 1
Voces intimae - 2
Voces intimae - 3
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