(continued)
May
15) A shock because others (?) write compositions to my texts. A sign of their weakness. Nobilitas unfashionable! Working on 8 songs to texts by Josephson, six of which completed today [op. 57]. – Beware this dreadfully cynical view of life. You cannot go through your entire life playing the cold cynic. Though can probably get away with the "man of honourable jealousy", etc. Ugh. Is this really worthy of Jean Sibelius?
18) 8 Songs Op 57 finished [the green line under the box] Have fulfilled the terms of Lienau’s contract. Went to bed at 9, dead tired.
21) Must go home. I can no longer work here. A change of style? Was at Lienau’s. He believes in my art. And knows how to keep company. Deswegen: write a Piano Piece for him.
[in the left margin]
Got home at 11pm.
Järvenpää. Bad conscience because of laziness.
28) Regarding the piano pieces [op. 58]. Do I really need to follow this advice – as this piano technique is rather alien to me. So. Nothing "for piano" yet, at least. "The Hunt" [op. 66 No. 1]! At the planning stage.
June
3) At work again. My business affairs compel me to write the piano pieces [op. 58].
July
12) Continuing with the piano things [op. 58]. They are starting to interest me. Evil tidings about business. Summer! Wonderful to live in the family.
26) Contract with Mikael Lybeck. "The Lizard" [op. 8]. (19) Music for it.
August
5) Bad reviews in Russia. Abuse. Where do they want to go? In England, too. My nerves are already pretty bad. A happy 30 years!
28) 10 piano pieces finished. Op. 58. It seems to me that the technique in these is better than in the other ones. Business affairs atrocious. I am beginning to think that the debts are impossible to settle. However, it depends on how I am paid. Reading proofs of Romance in C major Op 42 [op. 42]. Happy days when I wrote this music. "Quoth the Raven, ‘Nevermore.’”
(to be continued)
translated from Finland-Swedish by David McDuff
Voces intimae - 1
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