(continued)
November
3) Mood up – the Himalayas again! [deleted words]
8) Have been in Hades. A valley such as never was.
9) Better already. [hairpin crescendo] Business H:fors.
15) Mood has been good. Not much appetite for work. Hard to learn to work without a stimulus. A must!
21) Have worked well – freudvoll, leidvoll – for a few days. Business tomorrow.
30) Axel Carpelan was here. I admire this fine talent. His powers of discernment are outstanding even though he is physically worn out. Appetite for work has been very poor. Yet this evening it is good!
December
14) In Memoriam, the funeral march, finished. 3 [green box] Op 59
15) Melartin, that neuter, has been with me. A refined nature.
17) A deep valley again! Horribly dark and empty, and concentrated feed! Will the sun never shine again? My life is ebbing away before I have been able to carry out what I had sight of. My business affairs are dragging me down. My destiny! Is this to be the end of my composing = life?
21) Melartin! I admire his method of working. How to achieve this "nulla dies sine linea." And the technique! Starting on the ballet in earnest. [deleted words] And my business affairs! A miracle that I produce anything at all. Not out of the valley yet.
26) Abandoning the ballet because of too little reward for too much time. "Up and at ‘em” again! Damn it, do I sound like that?
27) Himalayas again. Everything bright and strong. Worked like a giant.
28) My throat! Good God! Worked a bit
29) Have even given up the Lottery Music. I am burning my boats deliberately. Holding high the banner of true art. Don’t let go of pathos in life. And one’s "grip".
30) Worked, though ill.
31) Another year. Everything still "pending".
translated from Finland-Swedish by David McDuff
Voces intimae - 1
Voces intimae - 2
Voces intimae - 3
Showing posts with label Sibelius. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sibelius. Show all posts
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Monday, 16 November 2009
Voces intimae - 3
(continued)
September
15) My old suffering (even not to be... etc.)! Will I really never escape from this pettiness. Always suffering - about everything! Suffering that gives me a metallic taste in my mouth!
23) At last signs of life from Breitkopf via Paul. – Verträge geschlossen. Result again equal to zero, I think! Mikael's "lizard" [op. 8] torments me. Must get rid of it as soon as possible. So it has taken a month to sell the piano stuff [op. 58]. Good God! My nerves!
Maud Allan again! Suppose I shall have to write her some music. Got 3000 Rmk. from B.& H. The first swallows in a long time.
[in pencil]
3000
27) [September]
− October 3)
In Koli! One of the greatest impressions of my life. Planning "La montagne"! Ill. Business affairs.
13) Sent off 'Shakespeare Songs "[op. 60] and "Christmas Song" [op. 1 No. 4]. All bagatelles. Still on “The Lizard”. [op. 8]. Appetite for work = 0.
15) “Lizard [op. 8] finished.” Yes. Yes.
21) Loafed about and attended to business in H:fors. Now the important thing is to get it all finished and out of the way. [deleted words]
23) How infinitely far I am from that rational work which brings life and joy to the practician and to those around him. I suppose I ought to console myself with the thought that this "joy" is always selfish, whereas my misery - - -!
Working on "Marche Funèbre" [op. 59]. Want it to have the most monumental form possible. Strange to think that it will probably be played when I am a corpse.
24) Have, I believe, a “sight” of "Marche Funèbre" [op. 59].
29) We must see how my brother holds up. He has enemies who want to bring him down. Him – a soul of the purest, a man of work and ideals. (My business affairs are taking up all my time).
(to be continued)
translated from Finland-Swedish by David McDuff
Voces intimae - 1
Voces intimae - 2
September
15) My old suffering (even not to be... etc.)! Will I really never escape from this pettiness. Always suffering - about everything! Suffering that gives me a metallic taste in my mouth!
23) At last signs of life from Breitkopf via Paul. – Verträge geschlossen. Result again equal to zero, I think! Mikael's "lizard" [op. 8] torments me. Must get rid of it as soon as possible. So it has taken a month to sell the piano stuff [op. 58]. Good God! My nerves!
Maud Allan again! Suppose I shall have to write her some music. Got 3000 Rmk. from B.& H. The first swallows in a long time.
[in pencil]
3000
27) [September]
− October 3)
In Koli! One of the greatest impressions of my life. Planning "La montagne"! Ill. Business affairs.
13) Sent off 'Shakespeare Songs "[op. 60] and "Christmas Song" [op. 1 No. 4]. All bagatelles. Still on “The Lizard”. [op. 8]. Appetite for work = 0.
15) “Lizard [op. 8] finished.” Yes. Yes.
21) Loafed about and attended to business in H:fors. Now the important thing is to get it all finished and out of the way. [deleted words]
23) How infinitely far I am from that rational work which brings life and joy to the practician and to those around him. I suppose I ought to console myself with the thought that this "joy" is always selfish, whereas my misery - - -!
Working on "Marche Funèbre" [op. 59]. Want it to have the most monumental form possible. Strange to think that it will probably be played when I am a corpse.
24) Have, I believe, a “sight” of "Marche Funèbre" [op. 59].
29) We must see how my brother holds up. He has enemies who want to bring him down. Him – a soul of the purest, a man of work and ideals. (My business affairs are taking up all my time).
(to be continued)
translated from Finland-Swedish by David McDuff
Voces intimae - 1
Voces intimae - 2
Saturday, 14 November 2009
Voces intimae - 2
(continued)
May
15) A shock because others (?) write compositions to my texts. A sign of their weakness. Nobilitas unfashionable! Working on 8 songs to texts by Josephson, six of which completed today [op. 57]. – Beware this dreadfully cynical view of life. You cannot go through your entire life playing the cold cynic. Though can probably get away with the "man of honourable jealousy", etc. Ugh. Is this really worthy of Jean Sibelius?
18) 8 Songs Op 57 finished [the green line under the box] Have fulfilled the terms of Lienau’s contract. Went to bed at 9, dead tired.
21) Must go home. I can no longer work here. A change of style? Was at Lienau’s. He believes in my art. And knows how to keep company. Deswegen: write a Piano Piece for him.
[in the left margin]
Got home at 11pm.
Järvenpää. Bad conscience because of laziness.
28) Regarding the piano pieces [op. 58]. Do I really need to follow this advice – as this piano technique is rather alien to me. So. Nothing "for piano" yet, at least. "The Hunt" [op. 66 No. 1]! At the planning stage.
June
3) At work again. My business affairs compel me to write the piano pieces [op. 58].
July
12) Continuing with the piano things [op. 58]. They are starting to interest me. Evil tidings about business. Summer! Wonderful to live in the family.
26) Contract with Mikael Lybeck. "The Lizard" [op. 8]. (19) Music for it.
August
5) Bad reviews in Russia. Abuse. Where do they want to go? In England, too. My nerves are already pretty bad. A happy 30 years!
28) 10 piano pieces finished. Op. 58. It seems to me that the technique in these is better than in the other ones. Business affairs atrocious. I am beginning to think that the debts are impossible to settle. However, it depends on how I am paid. Reading proofs of Romance in C major Op 42 [op. 42]. Happy days when I wrote this music. "Quoth the Raven, ‘Nevermore.’”
(to be continued)
translated from Finland-Swedish by David McDuff
Voces intimae - 1
May
15) A shock because others (?) write compositions to my texts. A sign of their weakness. Nobilitas unfashionable! Working on 8 songs to texts by Josephson, six of which completed today [op. 57]. – Beware this dreadfully cynical view of life. You cannot go through your entire life playing the cold cynic. Though can probably get away with the "man of honourable jealousy", etc. Ugh. Is this really worthy of Jean Sibelius?
18) 8 Songs Op 57 finished [the green line under the box] Have fulfilled the terms of Lienau’s contract. Went to bed at 9, dead tired.
21) Must go home. I can no longer work here. A change of style? Was at Lienau’s. He believes in my art. And knows how to keep company. Deswegen: write a Piano Piece for him.
[in the left margin]
Got home at 11pm.
Järvenpää. Bad conscience because of laziness.
28) Regarding the piano pieces [op. 58]. Do I really need to follow this advice – as this piano technique is rather alien to me. So. Nothing "for piano" yet, at least. "The Hunt" [op. 66 No. 1]! At the planning stage.
June
3) At work again. My business affairs compel me to write the piano pieces [op. 58].
July
12) Continuing with the piano things [op. 58]. They are starting to interest me. Evil tidings about business. Summer! Wonderful to live in the family.
26) Contract with Mikael Lybeck. "The Lizard" [op. 8]. (19) Music for it.
August
5) Bad reviews in Russia. Abuse. Where do they want to go? In England, too. My nerves are already pretty bad. A happy 30 years!
28) 10 piano pieces finished. Op. 58. It seems to me that the technique in these is better than in the other ones. Business affairs atrocious. I am beginning to think that the debts are impossible to settle. However, it depends on how I am paid. Reading proofs of Romance in C major Op 42 [op. 42]. Happy days when I wrote this music. "Quoth the Raven, ‘Nevermore.’”
(to be continued)
translated from Finland-Swedish by David McDuff
Voces intimae - 1
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